two times a killer
by Marakida
Summary: Harry is thinking over the summer after OoTP. please rr


Disclaimer - I do not own Harry Potter, the whole idea belongs to J K Rowling. I only own the new victims.

Authors notes – This is just a mini standalone. Part of the thousand word challenge.

Two times a killer

'_I'm a murderer,'_ the boy thought to himself. _'I don't even deserve to live, to feel, to do anything. Hell, I don't even deserve to exist.'_

He slumped his head against the pillows on his bed.

He thought of himself on this comfortable bed with warm covers and soft pillows. Sirius and Cedric would never have this again. Cedric would be in a cold, hard coffin and Sirius… Harry didn't even have a guess where Sirius was.

His green eyes filled with tears.

'_Why do I always hurt the people that I care most about… and why did Cedric have to die. Why couldn't they have just killed me? None of this would have happened then,'_ he thought to himself.

"No!" Harry muttered aloud.

He sat up and brushed the tears from his eyes angrily.

'_I shouldn't be allowed to do this, I'm pathetic. Here I am getting upset when there it is other people who are suffering.'_

'_They should hate me. They should stay as far away from me as possible.'_

Standing up he walked to the desk in the corner of the room. It was littered with letters from Ron.

'_Harry Mate,'_ the most recent one began.

'_How are you doing? I hope you are good and not blaming yourself for what happened in the Department of Mysteries. Is wasn't your fault_

_Anyway, I'll see you soon mate. We will come and get you as soon as possible._

_Don't let the muggles get you down_

_Ron'_

There were also letters from Hermione

'_Dear Harry,'_ she had written.

'_I hope that your summer has been ok – well as good as it could have been under the circumstances._

_Please, please don't be blaming yourself for what happened to Sirius. It was not your fault._

_You couldn't help it and you didn't know that the vision was not true._

_I hope that you do believe me and take this advice. As soon as Dumbledore says that we can come and get you, we will._

_Thinking of you_

_Hermione'_

There were dozens of letters like that from Ron and Hermione, and he had written back every three days dutifully.

He had written back each time to tell them that he was fine, the Dersey's were treating him ok, and no, he didn't blame himself for Sirius' death.

Lies, lies, lies.

He was not fine – he hated himself and wished that he had died instead of Sirius.

The Dursley's were not treating him ok. They had been making him do chores all day and had threatened him with a beating if he said anything. They were probably still smarting about the lawn competition last year.

And he did blame himself for Sirius' death for a good reason – because it was his fault.

He was a murderer.

He has killed his godfather as sure as if he had put the wand to his head.

Bellatrix LeStrange had cast the fatal spell but Sirius had been in the department of Mysteries because of him – because of Harry. Not because of Bellatrix LeStrange.

Not that she was completely blameless.

Harry had a secret about her that he was keeping from Rom Hermione and the others. A secret that sickened him and made his so angry.

He has been receiving letters about Voldemort's recent attacks. But not important details about them – sickening details. From Bellatrix.

'_Do you know what it sounds like when a little baby chokes to death on its own blood? It gurgles and gargles'_

'_Little girlies look scared when they see their mummy and daddy dying. They still look scared when they are dead.'_

There were five of them in total. One for each of the five attacks that had been published in the daily prophet.

A German family called Dunlap had been murdered – four generations wiped out. They were celebrating Great-Grandma Dunlap's ninety-ninth birthday when Voldemort had burst in.

Arnica and Philippe Zelenzny were holidaying in Brittan when they were killed.

Susan Bones and her family were dead.

Meralie Kaiser – an aura – was murdered in her own home.

Gerald Weaver who was a very renound tactition had been killed in a horrible way while on a weekend fishing trip with his son.

The Dunlap's were killed because Fritz Dunlap was a spy in the previous was and uncovered several of Voldemort's major plans. But Mr Dunlap had – unlike Professor Snape – revealed himself to the world as being a spy. He was a hero in his native Germany.

Arnica and Philippe Zelenzny were a couple from France. They were auras. Voldemort targeted them as revenge for killing several of his important death eaters.

The Bone's had worked closely with the Longbottom's and but several death eater into Azkaban – including the LeStrange's. All of those people went insane.

Meralie Kaiser has also given evidence at the trial of the LeStrange's – Bellatrix was almost second in command to Voldemort.

Gerald Weaver had organised counter measures to some of the attacks that the ministry were informed of. His strategies were extremely successful.

Harry saw in his dreams the faces of all those people. The most memorable was the Dunlop's. Ella Dunlop was dressed up for her birthday. Her son – Fritz - and his wife – Mara – were sitting at the table smiling. Kurt Dunlop was holding his baby girl – Katy.

Then Voldemort burst in.

Harry ran his fingers through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.

The horrible images were burned into his minds eye. He could see the faces of Voldemort's victims, in all the gory detail.

He felt responsible.

If it weren't for him in the Triwizard Tournament then Voldemort would never have come back to power. And Cedric would never have died.

A double murderer.

Harry wished that he was dead instead of Sirius, Cedric and all of those recent victims.

He took a deep breath and put the letters back on the desk.

Standing, he walked slowly back to his bed.

Lying down, he closed his eyes. He just wished that he could die.


End file.
